Inhale, hold, exhale

So, I've smoked my first (and second, and third) cigarette. I've toyed with the idea for quite some time now, and finally got hammered enough to stop arguing inside my head. And in all honesty, eh. Not really sure where the histrionics come from, on either side of it.

I didn't throw up, or cough any more uncontrollably than my allergies to North Carolina already make me cough. I got some kind buzz off it, but since I was already pretty thrashed, that could also be ascribed to the double shot of tequila I had taken right before I tried the cigarette.

But what did stick out, and what had made me think of taking it up in the first place, was the social aspects of it. Originally my plan had been to just have one cigarette, to try it. But then we're out at the bar, and my friend, the one who had offered me my first cigarette, asks to bum a cig from this group of girls sitting at the table. Asking for the cig was our way in, and got us talking to them, so when she offered some to the rest of us, it was an easy decision to use that as an excuse to talk to her.

For me, the appeal of smoking has never been it looks cool, or all the cool people do it. It's been first my incessant need to do something with my hands and/or my mouth, which is why all my pens get chewed on, I always have gum on me somewhere, and I do stupid pen tricks. I'm not looking for something to calm me, but rather just something to do with myself. The other appeal, and the one brought out here, has always been it's use as social lubricant. I first really noticed this in China, where absolutely everyone smokes. There, not smoking is regarded strangely. There are certainly more than a few people who don't smoke, but the social norm is to light up after dinner, or while waiting at a bus stop, or when hanging out with friends. A lot of people I tried to explain the American logics about health ended up looking at me strangely, either because they felt I was trying to be their parent, or because those narratives were simply foreign to their norms about smoking. The stigma attached to smoking is very very American, at least in my experience.

Since returning from China, I've more than once come across references to the simple utility of always having smokes. Just as accepting chai with tribal leaders is now the accepted Army way, so too can the ground be broken by just offering smokes around the table, or to translators or interlocuters. I remember reading a semi-fictional story about a Mossad agent. During his training phase, one of his trainers told him he absolutely needed to take up smoking, and to always carry smokes and a lighter on him. Whenever he needed to meet someone, all he had to do was ask them for a light. It didn't even matter if they had one; it broke the ice and put that person in play. But in case they did, you had to know how to smoke and how to handle yourself with a cigarette. The flipside of this was hearing about how different nationalities smoked; apparently Americans had a distinctive way of lighting, holding, and smoking cigarettes.

Anyways, as for the immediate health risks, the activities I'm already doing are doing some pretty sexy damages to my body. I'll be very curious how well my knees work 25 years from now. And jumping out of planes always carries certain risks. As for the cardio impacts, some of our fastest runners here smoke packs a day, anecdotes to be sure, but my point being that we have so much of a short-term focus, the godawful smell is the biggest discouragement right now, and like so many other vices, that's an acquired taste. So whether or not there will be a fourth or fifth to follow remains to be seen. But I've jacked my life up in so many other ways, this would hardly be exceptional at this point.